By D W Johnson

"HOLY MORODER!"

"Shit, this is 4 real dawg!"

"What the f**k!"

As you can tell scientists are baffled. The reason being this sensational new data brought forward by none less than seven independent research facilities and presented in this diagram! Could it be that for once scientists are on to something!?

We take a look.

The new statistics calculated by Computalon, Clueless, Stats R´Us and four other independent research facilities has left scientists puzzled wondering who knows what in this seemingly new holy grail of stats.

Looking closely and examining exibit A - the curve - we can point to a number of decisive factors as to why this would be the bomb it appears to be.

Josh Winterbottom of Stats R´us explains:

- "We can clearly see the curve take a huge leap in an upward direction as it starts spelling out The Hives going from the post Hives depression to something new and exiting. One would then have to ask: Can this be coincidental? I would say hardly as the curve stays way up even going off the chart for as long as the spelling goes on only to drop to a flatline as soon as the band logo is spelled out. It would indicate the death of music of taste. The evidence speak for themselves and leave me speechless. I have nothing to add".