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geisha girl
registered: 9/19/2004 00:00
posts: 38
has anyone heard any really lame jokes or statements recently that they might want to share??

e.g.
Don't use a blunt pencil-there's no piont!
posted: 9/21/2004 13:01Reply | PM | Edit | IP
kaleidoscope eyez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 784
bahahaha
that one was amusing, sadly tho, i dont have a joke for you today!
posted: 9/21/2004 13:06Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Compliquez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 1065
Hello Geisha!
You asked where Maine was and it wouldn't let me post....

Yes it is in new england, in fact its right here:



I'm like you, I am english, except newer.
posted: 9/21/2004 13:12Reply | PM | Edit | IP
geisha girl
registered: 9/19/2004 00:00
posts: 40
Thanks Compliquez
Good to know that I havn't forgotten ALL the geography iv ever learnt
posted: 9/21/2004 13:23Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Compliquez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 1067
Cha,
You are welcome. I love my handy little map...
posted: 9/21/2004 13:24Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 494
Lame chat up line:
Do you believe in love at first site, or do you want me to walk past again?


Soooooooooo cheesy
posted: 9/21/2004 13:30Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Compliquez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 1068
Another pick up line
Your so hott you melted the elastic in my underwear band...
posted: 9/21/2004 13:35Reply | PM | Edit | IP
SqueeX25
registered: 9/1/2004 00:00
posts: 186
...
Yay yay New York is on your map! That's where I'm from! (Along with The Strokes!!) Woot!
posted: 9/21/2004 13:57Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Compliquez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 1070
 Woah!!
We are like... pratically neighbors... in a way.
posted: 9/21/2004 15:36Reply | PM | Edit | IP
SqueeX25
registered: 9/1/2004 00:00
posts: 189
Yeah!
You're right! So coming to visit me for the talent show should be no problem!
posted: 9/21/2004 15:58Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Slutty Albert
registered: 9/17/2004 00:00
posts: 30
uhhh I know lame pickup lines and their combacks
if ANYONE ever used these you now know what to say...

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.



Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.


posted: 9/21/2004 18:28Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 408
i know a rather funny lame joke
well atleast i find it funny.

how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

none, they all rather sit in the dark and cry.



hehehhehehhehehehhe
i crack myself up sometimes
posted: 9/22/2004 08:57Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 409
i know a rather funny lame joke
well atleast i find it funny.

how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

none, they would all rather sit in the dark and cry.



hehehhehehhehehehhe
i crack myself up sometimes
posted: 9/22/2004 08:57Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 518
here's one
Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afraid not"
posted: 9/22/2004 09:00Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 412
...........
i like mine better
posted: 9/22/2004 09:01Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 519
another joke
What's brown and sticky? A stick



hehehe, i like that one
posted: 9/22/2004 09:05Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 414
..............
funny
posted: 9/22/2004 09:06Reply | PM | Edit | IP
00chaz
registered: 7/19/2004 00:00
posts: 23
great chatup line thing
Your eyes are like spanners..................................
..........................................................................
Everytime i look into them my nuts tighten
posted: 9/22/2004 10:28Reply | PM | Edit | IP
dakevsta
registered: 3/23/2004 00:00
posts: 7
my joke
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?




its rated ARRRR!!
posted: 9/22/2004 11:20Reply | PM | Edit | IP
ScentedToiletPaper
registered: 4/15/2004 00:00
posts: 58
pirates are hot.
ha i've heard that one and i like it.. and i love pirates.
posted: 9/22/2004 11:55Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Compliquez
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 1072
...
The pirate joke is from Spongebob!! In the eposiode he thinks everyone is a robot and Squidward tells mister Crabs that to try and make him laugh...
posted: 9/22/2004 11:56Reply | PM | Edit | IP
geisha girl
registered: 9/19/2004 00:00
posts: 41
Pirates = Pirates of the Caribbean = Johnny Depp = mmmmmmmm *melts with thaught of Johnny Depp!*
posted: 9/22/2004 11:59Reply | PM | Edit | IP
LikelyLass
registered: 9/21/2004 00:00
posts: 41
lame jokes erm...
What do you call a knacker in a limo?
The deceased
(some of you may not get that but anywho)

Did you know that theres twice as many eyebrows in the world than people

*rolls eyes*

posted: 9/22/2004 12:02Reply | PM | Edit | IP
geisha girl
registered: 9/19/2004 00:00
posts: 42
Johnny, Johnny, my darlin' Johnny


and here's 1 for all those Orlando Bloom fans (even tho Johnny is clearly the best...lol)

posted: 9/22/2004 12:07Reply | PM | Edit | IP
uplifted mofo
registered: 7/17/2004 00:00
posts: 307
gross i mean, dude, hes old
posted: 9/22/2004 12:09Reply | PM | Edit | IP
angus rocks
registered: 7/23/2004 00:00
posts: 191
mmm
mmm, i love Mr. Depp... he's hotter than hot.

i got a joke for yas!

What did the ocean say to the river?

Nothin! he just waved!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHH, oh man, best joke ever.
i'm going to laughing about that one later, woO!
posted: 9/22/2004 12:26Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 525
hehe
Like that ocean/river joke...waved...hahahaha

And i don't get the whole Johnny depp thing, though I'd definately choose him over Orlando bloom
posted: 9/22/2004 14:05Reply | PM | Edit | IP
intheskywithfairies
registered: 9/23/2004 00:00
posts: 1
more lame jokes
What do you do when you see a fire man?

Put it out man!
posted: 9/23/2004 02:20Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 552
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked,
"Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The man said,
"No dear." The women said, "I'm sure you would." So the man
said, "Okay, I would" Then the women asked, "Would you let her
sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then
the women asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the
man replied, "No, she's left handed."
posted: 9/23/2004 09:24Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 553
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."
posted: 9/23/2004 09:28Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 469
...............
that was freakin hilarious
posted: 9/23/2004 09:30Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 554
which one?
posted: 9/23/2004 09:34Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 472
...........
that last one
posted: 9/23/2004 09:39Reply | PM | Edit | IP
angus rocks
registered: 7/23/2004 00:00
posts: 192
ahaha
the last joke was too funny
posted: 9/23/2004 13:02Reply | PM | Edit | IP
bloodymary13
registered: 7/21/2004 00:00
posts: 115
the little blue bird
there was a naked homeless guy who sitting in the park with a newspaper,when a little girl walked by so he coverd himself up with the newspaper.

the girl: hey mister whats under there?

the man: a little blue bird

girl:can i play with the little blue bird?

man: no!

the guy fell asleep and woke up in the hospital.

doctor: what happend?
man:all i remember is a little girl.
doctor:we have to find that little girl!

so they find the little girl and they ask her what happend. this is what she said.

"i was playing with the little blue bird when it spat at me! so i broke its neck,destroyed its eggs,and set its nest on fire!"
posted: 9/23/2004 17:08Reply | PM | Edit | IP
kimbobway
registered: 7/16/2004 00:00
posts: 456
how about
stupid corny pickup lines that guys say!?!


Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!

Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

who the hell comes up with those things?? i wish there was funny ones girls could say.
posted: 9/23/2004 22:24Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 491
my personal favourite
is............
nice shoes......................................................................................wanna *#ck?
posted: 9/24/2004 08:47Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 608
Another joke
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was
her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and
the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a
couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What?! There's no pool here?" Long pause.

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"
posted: 9/24/2004 08:59Reply | PM | Edit | IP
glitterfaery311
registered: 3/19/2004 00:00
posts: 494
................
hehehe...funny
posted: 9/24/2004 09:00Reply | PM | Edit | IP
Pee Wee the magic hamster
registered: 8/4/2004 00:00
posts: 641
bump
everyone read the funniness!
posted: 9/25/2004 09:02Reply | PM | Edit | IP

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